Pretend I’m God Original

Living Behind a Mask

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Why does Facebook become a JOB? At what point is it on your TO-DO list to review your Facebook feed to make sure that you are up-to-date on everyone else’s business? What about the life you are living? I am disgusted how real life, real friends, real Family are taking more of a back seat to the drama of Facebook. You might think that you are not on there much an you own posting activity might show that but spending every free second on your phone looking and messaging takes time away from the people that should really matter. This is why we fail! Our own greed to have something of our very own leads to secrets and lies. We pretend everything is innocent but we know if our significant others saw what we did on-line it would be the end to whatever relationship you might be hanging onto. Why is it so hard to just be happy with what we have rather than painting a fake picture of your life for the world to see? It’s not the real you at all. Why be fake? How can you pretend to care so much in one way yet the online profile of your life looks so very different? Who is it to impress and whose attention are you looking for?

It’s a new definition of honesty where sleight of hand can make you into anyone you want. But with anything that easy it will never last. You will create wounds that cannot heal, lose the most basic trust from those around you. You will not see it coming… But one day you will wake up alone and ask yourself what happened with no understanding that YOU DID this.

In time the truth will become clear but it will be far too late. Only then will you understand the frustration and pain that you caused living behind a mask.

“adventure called life”

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I don’t know about you but I am still on this adventure called life but lately the road has become very bumpy. I can only say that a long and difficult season has rendered the path damaged. At one time I believe that I could patch anything and thought this was going to be the same. I was wrong. Heaven and Earth are clearly in a state of aggravation and power where one will resist the other VS the harmony we knew just a short year ago.

I have said it before and I will say it again. BE NICE! BE Honest! BE There! These simple rules can change your world.

Froze over

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You are welcome. Feel free to worship me for I have froze it over. The unfortunate side effect could result in higher gas prices. For that I’m sorry. Go back to your day of cold self doubt and sorrow. Only your heart can warm you.

Fractures of life

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From time to time I get the feeling that the world is spinning too fast. Out of control and about to crash, overwhelming feelings of helplessness fill me. What are we doing? Why the rush to see our ends? Bitterness, selfishness, entitlement… The distance from human to human is growing and our connections are being cut while the elutions of connections are painted in virtual space.

Step back for a moment and see how alone you have become. Now pause, look around. This is your life. Smell the air while the clouds slowly drift by. You’re experiencing life. In this moment while your virtual mask is off new experiences are yours. Take them.

Living is not the picture created from a keyboard. Fractures of them and us and you are all anyone sees. It’s all getting lost in the cliff notes of life.

It’s almost too late.

Fix it!

with a brick

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Original Post April 7th, 2006

Billy was the only boy of 3 children. Turns out he was really an only child, the other two were adopted. That has no real relevance. Once we wrote a song about learning how to hold your breath until you didn’t need the next one. It made the most sense ever. I can not find the actual lyrics of that song anywhere, so I re-wrote them the best I remembered. I am adding to them too. I am going to try to relive the worst and most self shaping moments of my life.

One of the last few times I ever hung out with Billy, we were going to a show, but had to go meet one of his friends first. We had picked this kid up and walked maybe two blocks from his house when this old guy asked us for some change. Being snotty 12 year old children, what else would we do but toss some change to him and walk on? Apparently that wasn’t good enough. Everything is blurry from there on out, I just remember everything being wrong, I remember Billy’s friend beating the life out of the old guy. I guess for Billy’s friend, who was not a snotty 12 year old, he was at least in his 20’s, he felt threatened. This happened during broad day light. The next thing I remember, I was laying on the ground, watching Billy get the same as I did, and then finally his friend. While the images I see in my head of them getting hit are hazy, I have later talked to a witness, so, I imagine I am correct in my memory.

What did I see? We were hit in the back of the head with a brick. I admit, perhaps I could have broken out of my daze a little faster and somehow ripped Billy’s friend off the old man. I was kind of in shock I guess. Anyways, later in the attack I suffered from broken ribs. I have no idea what happened.

People have always asked about that story, cause little bits squeak out here and there sometimes. So there you go. Keep dreaming that I could have helped Billy. He knew he was hanging out with shitty people. I knew he was hanging out with shitty people. What could I have done to stop him?

explanation of the future

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Original Post: April 07th 2006

I apologize to anyone who usually reads my posts. Lately, I have been up to no good. Recently, my life has been a series of unfortunate events. All of these events have been a result of choices I have made with full or at least partial knowledge of the consequences. While it turns out that I now may have many more hours to devote to my writing and online businesses, it is likely that the majority of my remaining time on this earth will not be spent attached to the Internet.

While I do intend to keep this blog and try to keep my posts highly awesome, unlike the boring sad stuff they have become as of late, I have been drawn towards a second project as of late. Around the middle of March, I decided to start writing a solo album to record by the end of the year. Unfortunately, my life began to fall apart a few days after the writing of this album began.

Sometimes, horrible things happen to people their whole life, and then, for a few short years, everything goes right, and for whatever reason, they ruin it for them selves. I guess my best quality is fucking up. I hope someday you all can forgive me. I will keep you all posted on the album. The music will give you many more details on what is wrong right now, kind of. This album was supposed to be solo, but, there is a 35% chance I am moving to an old place of residence where I have old band mates just waiting for a reunion…

Make This Cult

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Original Post: April 2nd 2006

I am starting a cult. You are joining. Details will be posted later. To all the lonely broken hearted out there. Get ready for something awesome. No more of this Monday – Friday, 40 hour work week stuff.

Please hold your prayers.

but i.ve been dreaming

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Original Post: March 17th 2006

It is like the last 22 years did not exist, because honestly I have done nothing with my life.

I have done everything with my life compared to some people. What does that matter when all my dreams will never come true?

Every day gets a little more cloudy, and every thought becomes a little more unclear. It feels like my time is running out and it is.

It bothers me when I realize that my dreams won’t come true. It terrifies me when I become aware of my uncertainty of what exactly my dreams are.

This world is a great place, because everywhere you turn something funny is occurring. Even if the comedy is not intended to be such.

Some people come to this website in search of comedy. For this post, unfortunately, the only comedy resides in the title, because as it turns out; I haven’t.

<--Truth-->

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Original post: March 14th 2006

I have decided that most of you in New York State are becoming a little lazy. So, I have put together a simple exercise plan for you to get your motors running. However, I ask that you do this with a little changes to the traditional methods.

Please leave every vehicle you own idling the entire time of this exercise, unroll the windows, and blast the heat. repeat the last few steps with your house, idling is optional. Take a 8 hour walk every 8 hours.

It is with this effort that you will make New York State a little warmer for the smokers which you have left out in the cold for almost three years.

Turns out, I really do not care. I actually enjoy smoking outside. I do not like sharing my smoke. I am the one paying for my cigarettes and the smoke they create. If i hear “second-hand smoke” one more time, I swear; I am going to scream or cry. Just ask for a cigarette, and I would be more than happy to give you one, but don’t complain about not having any. That is pathetic.

Also, most buildings that sell things also sell cigarettes.

Truth –> Big Tobacco companies would like you to think I am cooler than I really am.

Put your big girl pants on.

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Original Post: March 11th 2006

I think the biggest fear I have always had is being put in a situation where it is “kill or be killed.”

I mean, I have been in a situation like that, but, with fingers crossed, I say this with all honesty, I am almost 70% sure nobody died.

Someday I will write about the above. At this point, it would take far too long because there is so much background left untouched. As in, the average reader of this blog does not know me well enough to know the situation I was in, and why I would be in that situation.

So, if there is another anti-draft chain letter going around by e-mail, please do your part. Otherwise, remember that frogs will become pillows and eat your cats.

Fact: Chain letters always work.
Fiction: Doubting me is acceptable.

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