Archive for December, 2011

Playing Pretend


I’m not rich and I’m not famous but from time to time I will pretend I am. Just the other day while I was walking down the street I noticed man choking. I knew I had to act quickly to save him. I’m not going to lie to you but I had to perform some sophisticated maneuvering to clear his airways. As the onlookers began to surround us they became nothing more than background noise while I focused on the task at hand. Thankfully my superior skills allowed me to same this man.

Yeah, this could have been a great story. Pretend that it is.

Did I ever tell you about ..


Original Post: February 25th 2006

Today I felt happy, then sad, then happy, then sad, then I felt this lack of motivation to do anything, to the point where I just stared at the wall for a minimum of 40 minutes.

While being pushed out the door I decided to give my day a little excitement, and amidst a snowfall of gigantic proportions, I put on my 10 year old dress shoes with absolute smooth treads.

At times, people ask me why I keep the shoes around. Why not? In the summer they work fine for doing pretty much anything I would do in a $100 pair of basketball shoes I would never use for the actual purpose of anyways. Should I start asking people why they are wearing basketball shoes while walking in mall? Of course not, I don’t go to the mall.

I once had a pair of boots that were 21 years old when retired, they would have been 22 this year. I got them from a squatter named Drew.

Me, Sarah, and Bill were on our way up to Ithaca and happened to see Drew and Kia (his traveling partner) walking down the street in Endicott. We, of course, picked them up and delivered them to Ithaca to attend our pseudo-party.

In the morning, we got the idea to fly signs and see how much money we could get for the two before they moved on to the next city (we did take them north, and they were moving south west.) Me, Bill, and Drew took one corner, and Sarah and Kia took the other. We got three bags of groceries, two pizza hut pizzas, and $120 in one hour. It was splendid.

Later that day, as we were getting ready to all head in separate directions, Drew noticed my boots were falling apart, so he offered me a spare he had in his bag. That’s all. I honestly just brought you through the story of how I obtained my favorite boots.

Anyways, the point of the story was me risking a nasty bruise or scrape by venturing out into heavy snowfall in shoes without any form of tread. I do this more often than intelligent people would believe. Shockingly, I have only fallen once this winter season. I only almost fell today.

While boots and shoes do not make good comedy, knowing that you all just read this garbage does.

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Merry Christmas!


I would like to take a moment to with you all a Merry Christmas! At the risk of not being politically correct… Merry Christmas! At no time to I tend to believe that my faith is better or that I have a faith at all. But Yes. I do celebrate Christmas. Why has that become offensive? Again, how have our own ego’s been allowed to get us here? I have no problem with what you chose to celebrate. I actually believe that the pride you have in your holiday is honorable. So why does it offend so many?

Regardless of your holiday, traditions or beliefs you need only to take pride in it and respect it. And respect the others.

Stop it, stairing me.


Original Post: February 21st 2006

Did you just push me down the stairs?

This is a question I find myself asking nearly three times a day.

When did it become necessary to ask such an absurd question? Since March 9th, 2002, that’s when.

Did we forget so soon? A mistakenly released document that found it’s way in to every world news agency’s hands. It probably hasn’t slipped your mind. You probably just missed it. After all, we all sacrificed after 9/11. I personally skipped reading the news every day. Instead, focusing on obtaining a bigger, more visible flag than my neighbor.

Turns out, the US Government decided it would be a good time to refine the list of countries it would be willing to attack with nuclear weapons if opportunity knocked. Strike that, WHEN opportunity knocks. Somehow, must have been terrorism, this list of 7 countries started scrolling across the bottom of all American news channels. Of course, a story of this size would not deserve actual voice mention. However, it was worth putting next to sports scores. Luckily, most of this audience was smart enough to go online and research this further, to find out that of those 7 countries on the list, a few happen to be United States allies not enemies.

I guess, since nothing has happened yet, everything will work out. We should all just keep telling ourselves that.

Remember the 22nd amendment? It was pretty great huh? See it in 6 years.. (February 17th, 2005)

Seriously, they should put guns in our mouths, at least that would give us reason to be playing this dumb.

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