Original Post April 7th, 2006

Billy was the only boy of 3 children. Turns out he was really an only child, the other two were adopted. That has no real relevance. Once we wrote a song about learning how to hold your breath until you didn’t need the next one. It made the most sense ever. I can not find the actual lyrics of that song anywhere, so I re-wrote them the best I remembered. I am adding to them too. I am going to try to relive the worst and most self shaping moments of my life.

One of the last few times I ever hung out with Billy, we were going to a show, but had to go meet one of his friends first. We had picked this kid up and walked maybe two blocks from his house when this old guy asked us for some change. Being snotty 12 year old children, what else would we do but toss some change to him and walk on? Apparently that wasn’t good enough. Everything is blurry from there on out, I just remember everything being wrong, I remember Billy’s friend beating the life out of the old guy. I guess for Billy’s friend, who was not a snotty 12 year old, he was at least in his 20’s, he felt threatened. This happened during broad day light. The next thing I remember, I was laying on the ground, watching Billy get the same as I did, and then finally his friend. While the images I see in my head of them getting hit are hazy, I have later talked to a witness, so, I imagine I am correct in my memory.

What did I see? We were hit in the back of the head with a brick. I admit, perhaps I could have broken out of my daze a little faster and somehow ripped Billy’s friend off the old man. I was kind of in shock I guess. Anyways, later in the attack I suffered from broken ribs. I have no idea what happened.

People have always asked about that story, cause little bits squeak out here and there sometimes. So there you go. Keep dreaming that I could have helped Billy. He knew he was hanging out with shitty people. I knew he was hanging out with shitty people. What could I have done to stop him?

Original Post: April 07th 2006

I apologize to anyone who usually reads my posts. Lately, I have been up to no good. Recently, my life has been a series of unfortunate events. All of these events have been a result of choices I have made with full or at least partial knowledge of the consequences. While it turns out that I now may have many more hours to devote to my writing and online businesses, it is likely that the majority of my remaining time on this earth will not be spent attached to the Internet.

While I do intend to keep this blog and try to keep my posts highly awesome, unlike the boring sad stuff they have become as of late, I have been drawn towards a second project as of late. Around the middle of March, I decided to start writing a solo album to record by the end of the year. Unfortunately, my life began to fall apart a few days after the writing of this album began.

Sometimes, horrible things happen to people their whole life, and then, for a few short years, everything goes right, and for whatever reason, they ruin it for them selves. I guess my best quality is fucking up. I hope someday you all can forgive me. I will keep you all posted on the album. The music will give you many more details on what is wrong right now, kind of. This album was supposed to be solo, but, there is a 35% chance I am moving to an old place of residence where I have old band mates just waiting for a reunion…

Original Post: April 2nd 2006

I am starting a cult. You are joining. Details will be posted later. To all the lonely broken hearted out there. Get ready for something awesome. No more of this Monday – Friday, 40 hour work week stuff.

Please hold your prayers.

Original Post: March 17th 2006

It is like the last 22 years did not exist, because honestly I have done nothing with my life.

I have done everything with my life compared to some people. What does that matter when all my dreams will never come true?

Every day gets a little more cloudy, and every thought becomes a little more unclear. It feels like my time is running out and it is.

It bothers me when I realize that my dreams won’t come true. It terrifies me when I become aware of my uncertainty of what exactly my dreams are.

This world is a great place, because everywhere you turn something funny is occurring. Even if the comedy is not intended to be such.

Some people come to this website in search of comedy. For this post, unfortunately, the only comedy resides in the title, because as it turns out; I haven’t.

Someone asked me to measure and rate a geek but the numbers were meaningless. How do I quantify the Geek / Nerd ratings on a scale that is strictly speculation and basically pretend. If you feel that you have reached GEEK level 20 does that make me level Awesome? To me the answer is YES. Contrary to what you believe your public self image can quickly send you to GEEK level “Creepy”. Sweatpants outside of the house with an ALF, pit stained t-shirt can quickly rip you of any respectable GEEK title and forever tag you as “Creepy”. Spending your evenings at the local comic book store does not make you the Dungeon Master, or close to cool.

It should also be known that dressing up as your favorite character is a fine line of Awesome and social outcast. If you do not know whether or not you fall into the outcast category don’t worry. We know! Actually it’s fairly clear to everyone around you. I recommend you pause World of Warcraft and come up from the basement and ask your mother. Enough said.

These levels are based on knowledge of many (but not all) things GEEK. Social health. And ability to not live at home (over the age of 25).

Original post: March 14th 2006

I have decided that most of you in New York State are becoming a little lazy. So, I have put together a simple exercise plan for you to get your motors running. However, I ask that you do this with a little changes to the traditional methods.

Please leave every vehicle you own idling the entire time of this exercise, unroll the windows, and blast the heat. repeat the last few steps with your house, idling is optional. Take a 8 hour walk every 8 hours.

It is with this effort that you will make New York State a little warmer for the smokers which you have left out in the cold for almost three years.

Turns out, I really do not care. I actually enjoy smoking outside. I do not like sharing my smoke. I am the one paying for my cigarettes and the smoke they create. If i hear “second-hand smoke” one more time, I swear; I am going to scream or cry. Just ask for a cigarette, and I would be more than happy to give you one, but don’t complain about not having any. That is pathetic.

Also, most buildings that sell things also sell cigarettes.

Truth –> Big Tobacco companies would like you to think I am cooler than I really am.

Original Post: March 11th 2006

I think the biggest fear I have always had is being put in a situation where it is “kill or be killed.”

I mean, I have been in a situation like that, but, with fingers crossed, I say this with all honesty, I am almost 70% sure nobody died.

Someday I will write about the above. At this point, it would take far too long because there is so much background left untouched. As in, the average reader of this blog does not know me well enough to know the situation I was in, and why I would be in that situation.

So, if there is another anti-draft chain letter going around by e-mail, please do your part. Otherwise, remember that frogs will become pillows and eat your cats.

Fact: Chain letters always work.
Fiction: Doubting me is acceptable.

Original Post: March 06th 2006

If everyone has their own important role in this world, I am pretty sure mine is more important than most of yours. After all, you read me. Not the other way around. I bet if you saw me selling pears on the street you would probably even offer to shine them up for me so i could raise my prices.

Perhaps that is all speculation, but perhaps not.

I once wore a pant leg on my head for over two months. While doing this amazing task, I was never questioned about it. However, people I associated with while doing this were often finding their sexuality brought into question. At the time, this was assumed to be product of matching red ringer t-shirts, and a lack of a tilted white visor. In hindsight, I believe me and the man that later formed what is now known as the scarf revolution of 2002 were just hanging out with a homosexual.

So here is a lesson. You can always wear gloves as a coat or jeans as a sweater, but when you hang out with a homosexual, somebody might notice you.

original post: March 2nd 2006

Despite being nominated as half a nanny this weekend, I have found myself lost as to my actual purpose in life.

No, I haven’t.

At some point I believe all of our freedoms will be stripped away and we’ll all be forced to wear cool patches or armbands. I know this does not make the most sense right now, but if you give it some time and precious thought, I am sure it will come to you.

I pledged allegiance today. It felt great. I never really got so emotional over a flag, but, in that moment, I knew that the blood inside my veins, the soul residing inside my body, none of that was worth more than that tri-colored cloth hanging above me.

Original Post: February 25th 2006

Today I felt happy, then sad, then happy, then sad, then I felt this lack of motivation to do anything, to the point where I just stared at the wall for a minimum of 40 minutes.

While being pushed out the door I decided to give my day a little excitement, and amidst a snowfall of gigantic proportions, I put on my 10 year old dress shoes with absolute smooth treads.

At times, people ask me why I keep the shoes around. Why not? In the summer they work fine for doing pretty much anything I would do in a $100 pair of basketball shoes I would never use for the actual purpose of anyways. Should I start asking people why they are wearing basketball shoes while walking in mall? Of course not, I don’t go to the mall.

I once had a pair of boots that were 21 years old when retired, they would have been 22 this year. I got them from a squatter named Drew.

Me, Sarah, and Bill were on our way up to Ithaca and happened to see Drew and Kia (his traveling partner) walking down the street in Endicott. We, of course, picked them up and delivered them to Ithaca to attend our pseudo-party.

In the morning, we got the idea to fly signs and see how much money we could get for the two before they moved on to the next city (we did take them north, and they were moving south west.) Me, Bill, and Drew took one corner, and Sarah and Kia took the other. We got three bags of groceries, two pizza hut pizzas, and $120 in one hour. It was splendid.

Later that day, as we were getting ready to all head in separate directions, Drew noticed my boots were falling apart, so he offered me a spare he had in his bag. That’s all. I honestly just brought you through the story of how I obtained my favorite boots.

Anyways, the point of the story was me risking a nasty bruise or scrape by venturing out into heavy snowfall in shoes without any form of tread. I do this more often than intelligent people would believe. Shockingly, I have only fallen once this winter season. I only almost fell today.

While boots and shoes do not make good comedy, knowing that you all just read this garbage does.

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